He
died peacefully in Barclay's arms at
California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. What an
amazing friend, fiancé and ministering angel she has been for him. They
were together almost 12 years and had planned to be married as soon as he got
well. They were going to start a family and had named their children - a
boy and a girl.
[Jason
and Barclay on a better day]
We
were so fortunate to have been able to spend many days with him last week,
even though he had tubes and machines plugged into every imaginable and
unimaginable place. He really fought the good fight for as long as he
could, until it became clear to him that it was a losing battle. He
chose to leave us on my wonderful grandmother, Mimi's, birthday. She
would have been 99 this year...
He
first passed away on Monday night but the hospital staff brought him back.
During the day Tuesday, the doctors told him that even with intervention he
would probably not make it to the weekend. He made his decision, asked to
be unplugged from everything, and signed a DNR. (Do Not Resuscitate).
After
Barclay called me to tell me the situation, I told her to tell him that if he
wanted to leave on my birthday I would consider that a great gift.
Saturday, November 1st is my birthday - I will be 53.
----From
Stephany's email---
He
and Barclay had had a long conversation yesterday and he told her that he had
tried to hang on for her, but that she needed to be able to release him and
let him go as it was time. She said that she had been selfish to try to
push him to hang on and that if he felt in his heart that it was time to move
on, she would tearfully accept that. He thanked her, said he loved her
and always would, and asked for the tubes to be removed. It was far more
poignant than I am able to convey, but he was in charge and did it 'his way'.
The hospital moved the two of them to a private room so they could be quietly
together and he left peacefully in her arms soon after.
---end
Stephany's email - (Stephany is Barclay's mother)---
When
I called to speak with him shortly thereafter, he told me very clearly:
"Mom, I'm leaving tonight. I'll talk to you again, some other time
in some other place...Goodbye. This is something I have to do on my
own." He was the most clear and lucid that he has been since he
took seriously ill around the Solstice of September 21st. I knew that he
had made his decision and his peace with his Higher Power and that, indeed, he
would leave us soon.
[Jason
and I on his 16th birthday]
Somehow
I just could not get up and leave my office. I just sat and sat in my
chair, alone, at work. Around 11pm my friend and housemate, Buzz, who had
accompanied me to San Francisco to see Jason, joined me. Just before he
arrived, I got very cold - even though the temperature indoors had not gone
down. I put on my coat and just rocked and rocked in my chair. I
couldn't seem to move but Buzz kept smiling and talking about what a nice
visit it had been and he cleaned everything he could get his hands on - coffee
cups, ash trays, piles of papers that had accumulated on my desk, the
furniture, etc. He just kept the energy moving and I am so grateful for
that.
Just
past 1:30 EST (10:30 PST) he went into the men's room and this strange
and wonderful sense of peace came over me. I didn't really understand or
get it at the time. Then, all of a sudden, I got up and just ran around
the office in circles for a few minutes. I was calm but agitated.
Then it hit me - I knew what had happened. I called the hospital KNOWING
what I would hear. Jason was gone. The nurse told me that he had
departed about 20 minutes before and that Barclay had left about 5 minutes
before I called.
I
waited a few minutes and then called her on her cell phone. When she
answered, I told her that I already knew and that she didn't have to tell me.
We cried for a few minutes, remembered the good times for a little while
longer, and wished Jason well on his journey. We also told each other
how much we appreciated each other for being a part of the life of a man we
both loved - Jason.
I
still couldn't leave the office for a while. Buzz and I talked some
more, and I typed a message to my co-workers. Finally we walked out
and closed the door around 5AM Wednesday morning... Buzz went to Kroger
to get food; I took the long way home...
We
were all hoping that Jason would get better and have many more years with us
but, as it turned out, he had to leave us to get better. He is better
now. He is not plugged into machines and violated by tubes - he's free
again! It was his time and while grief washes over me like waves on the
ocean, I know this was the right thing -the only thing- that could happen.
It was his time. All of us come here on a round-trip ticket - no one
gets to stay... And, he is out of pain...
If
anyone would like to remember Barclay, you can now send her a card at her home
address:
Barclay
Andrews
850
Tempus Circle
Arroyo
Grande, CA 93420
barclaya@sbcglobal.net
If
you would like to contribute to helping to cover expenses that no one plans
for in their 30s, please send this to me. I will see that Barclay is not
left with uncovered expenses.
If
you would like to share any thoughts you have or tell us anything you remember
about Jason, my address is:
Marcia
Jones
1800
Kinridge Rd
Marietta
GA 30062
the_buzz@bellsouth.net
I
am so grateful to all of you for all the support we have gotten along the way
from you. You have been so incredibly warm and embracing in your
responses to us and to Barclay and to Jason while he was here. He got
many stuffed animals with his many cards and I am sure these will be things
that Barclay can hold onto as she goes on in life. I don't know how I
can thank everyone enough except to say that whatever you may need in life,
whenever you may need it, if I have it - it's yours.
I
have only just caught my breath so please excuse me if I have babbled to
long... And again, be sure to hug your loved ones often - you never know
when that privilege will be taken away...
Thank
you, thank you, and thank you...Marcia Jones
