Menopause: The Last Blood Rite

Perhaps I should have entitled this presentation, "Is Menopause really such a big deal?" With all of the recent literature on menopause, one would be lead to believe that if you take a pill and wear layers you will sail through it. And some lucky women do, with or without HRT, while others flounder on the shoals of menopause for ten or more years and others for the rest of their lives. The physical symptoms can be uncomfortable and challenging and the mental, emotional and spiritual changes can vary widely from woman to woman.

But before we can explore why menopause is a big deal, we need to examine it in the context of a woman’s unique biological imperative. After all, a woman’s body and mind are superbly equipped and programmed to bear and sustain children.

We need to examine why and how the shedding of blood cast women into well-defined, culturally prescribed roles at different stages of her life.

One can observe the various phases of physiological developments in a woman’s body as blood rites, each of these signals the rite of passage into a new clearly defined role or phase. The first begins at puberty, with the shedding of first blood, initiating a girl into the society of womanhood or her childbearing capacity. A girl becomes a woman when she menstruates. A woman becomes a wife and mate when she loses her virginity and a woman becomes a mother when she gives birth. All of these stages are accompanied not only by the loss of blood, but also by celebration, accrued status, as well as clearly defined rules and expectations for that phase.

A menstruating girl-woman needs to behave differently around men, and in many cultures even dress differently. In other cultures there are clearly defined rites of passage that accompany each of these phases. At menstruation in the Jewish Tradition, a woman gets slapped in the face. In Africa, a woman may undergo ritual circumcision. In Latino-American cultures there is a sweet fifteen party (Quinceanera). In other cultures women receive gifts and begin to accumulate a trousseau. This is a happy time filled with anticipation, as a girl is now in possession of a very valuable and marketable commodity, the ability to bear children. In fact in many societies girls are married or betrothed at this time.

The second blood rite, marriage, is symbolized by the loss of virginity. This implicit virginity is so important in many Middle Eastern countries like Turkey and Greece, that the blood stained wedding night sheet is displayed or hung out the day after marriage, to show to the world that the bride was a virgin. In many Arabic countries, a woman may be killed by her family if she loses her virginity before marriage because to not be a virgin on the wedding night would bring shame upon the entire family. So valuable is this commodity of virginity that a woman will command the highest bride price and therefore, in the Orient and Middle East affluent women will undergo a surgical procedure to restore the hymen. This passage, the losing virginity in marriage is also celebrated. And there is the bride price, which could be anything from goats in Africa, to jewelry, clothing, cash, the establishment of a joint household, the acquisition of a new name and a new role, and of course increased status. In many cultures the virgin bride is taught how to please a man, how to cook and weave and maintain a house. There may also be the preparation for marriage, which can involve shaving all body hair. The new role as a married woman confers more power and protection than the unmarried state in this and many other societies. The giving of the ring, which symbolizes the continuity of the circle of life, usually sanctifies the marriage ceremony. In Christianity marriage is sacrament.

The third blood rite, childbirth, in most cultures is considered to be a woman’s crowning achievement. Even in vitro fertilization births are still considered a miraculous accomplishment. This rite is celebrated with gifts, parties, and accrued status especially if the newborn is a boy. Mothers and Grandmothers will often help and teach the new mother how to care for her baby. This third blood rite validates the fact that a woman’s body in fact her whole life is programmed for birth and child rearing and is the culmination of all previous blood rites, menstruation, loss of virginity, which are all predicated upon this ultimate achievement, childbirth. In many third world countries having children is the only way a woman can achieve status hence, the more children the higher the status.

The last blood rite, menopause, is the only one which is not accompanied by the shedding of blood, in fact it involves the retention of blood. There are no parties, no gifts, no increased status, no instructions, no kindly relatives, and worse no rules to live by. All of the other blood rites were about gaining something. This last blood rite it would seem is about loss. The loss of the monthly cycle, that defined our bodies for many years, the loss of the capacity to bear children, the loss of our physical beauty and youth, but more importantly, especially in this culture, the loss of status and power. Menopause might also coincide with the loss of children as they leave home and in many cases the loss of our spouses to death or divorce. It might even be the loss of our jobs with corporate downsizing or with the realization that we need to change careers and move on in life.

Indeed the change of life occurs in every aspect of a woman’s life, body, mind and spirit. One of the reasons why there are no role models, or rules for how to live in this last phase is simply that most women never lived long enough to reach their menopause and those older women that did in the past were reviled. During the Salem Witch Trials, three to four million old women were tortured and killed because they were accused of being witches.

In other societies older women became and still are the wise women, the curenderas, the healers, the midwives, the advisors that younger women turned to because of their accumulated knowledge and experience. They often act as surrogate parents in traditional extended families. In many societies like China, India, Mexico, old age is revered and is accompanied with increased status.

However, in postmodern western patriarchal society, an older woman becomes not only undesirable, but also invisible. She is considered to be ugly, sexless, useless, to be pitied or patronized, to be humored, to be endured, or warehoused. It is any wonder that women lie about their age or undergo risky cosmetic procedures to hide every line, imperfection or visual display of age and dread menopause as it signals the entry into a frightening, mysterious, undesirable, uncharted cycle of life. It leaves women wondering who and what am I to be if I am no longer young.

In our youth oriented society every ad in a magazine, every billboard and practically every movie screams with young, beautiful, breast implanted women with air brushed, line free faces, flat stomachs, tight buns and flowing hair. Pamela Anderson (Barbie) is every man’s dream and every woman’s physical role model. There are a few positive role models of powerful older women, aside from Mother Teresa, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, and the Queen of England.

As women, we have to ask ourselves, "Who are we when we can no longer fulfill our biological imperative? Who are we when we emerge from this last blood rite, and what is our purpose if our whole life we have been acculturated to attract the male species, give birth to and raise children?" This is new uncharted territory for this generation of women because there are no rules about how we can redefine or reframe menopause and become older women in a positive light. But before we can do this we need to traverse menopause with a minimum of suffering both done with knowledge and understanding. To do this we must empower ourselves with information about what is happening to our body, and what we can do about it so we can make informed choices about how we want to be and live for the next twenty to thirty years. Only when we have passed to the other side will we see that the "Change of Life" is more than the cessation of menstruation.

In the last seven years of walking through menopause with women I have come to realize the necessity of a guide or "sherpa"…someone who has traversed that wild terrain before and knows the rough spots, the pitfalls, where you can fall and what you need to make the journey safely. With this dissolution of the extended family and geographical isolation we can no longer depend upon family. We need someone to help us understand what is happening to our bodies and when it will end. Sometimes we might wonder if we are losing our minds or just our memories? Could it be our imagination or is our hair and skin really thinning? And is our waist really thickening despite careful eating and exercise, and is it hot in here or am I having a hot flash?

Is menopause really only about loss? Loss of youth, beauty, childbearing abilities, toned bodies, libido, empty nest syndrome. Are we women whom now live through menopause as an anachronistic species like dinosaurs that had their time and now it is over, or is there something more?

Does this last blood rite, the retention of blood, initiate us into a new phase? What about "post menopausal zest", does menopause need to be medicated, if we don’t take hormones, what about osteoporosis and heart disease? How can we deal with our ever-changing bodies and minds? 

This is an excerpt from one of Dr. Lottor’s popular menopause talks. Dr. Lottor is a Board Certified Naturopathic Physician specializing in women’s health, practicing in Los Angeles and Santa Barbara California. Check out her web site for more articles about her approaches to menopause and other lecture topics:  www.findings.net/hormones.html

Dr. Lottor is a highly regarded practitioner in the Southern California Medical Community for the last fifteen years as well as a dynamic and captivating speaker on Women’s Health", and has presented to a wide range of audiences such as: Tulane University Medical School, UCLA, Rancho La Puerta, St. John’s Hospital, churches, temples, and Women’s Groups.