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The Midlife Woman: The Call to Authenticity By
Janny E. Adkins The
Midlife Woman. These three words
are capable of striking fear in the heart of many 38-55 year old women. Both men and women go through stages or cycles in their
lives, and progress naturally from infant to childhood to adulthood.
Each cycle builds on the previous cycle. Parts of ourselves die and are
transformed in order that we may move into the next stage.
Each stage is usually welcomed with anticipation and excitement.
When women reach midlife, the excitement and anticipation may come to an
abrupt end. Society and therefore, women have viewed this period of a woman’s
life as a potential downward spiral of fading productivity, usefulness,
influence, power, and beauty. Physical beauty is often defined as youthfulness,
slenderness, naivete, and innocence.
Our society is prejudiced against aging in general, and doubles that
prejudice toward the idea that a middle-aged or mature woman is a vital,
beautiful, powerful trustee of our society. There are
few positive role models for midlife women in the American culture. The Black,
Hispanic, and Native American cultures, however, honor their older women, and
consider that they are becoming more beautiful and wise with the passage of each
day. Joan Borysenko in her book A
Woman’s Book of Life; The Biology, Psychology, and Spirituality of the
Feminine Life Cycle, quotes an old Cheyenne proverb which states,
“a nation is not conquered until the heart of its women are on the ground.
Then it is done no matter how brave its warriors or how strong their weapons.
“ I have also been told that Native American Indians
believe that if you destroy the elder women of the tribe, you destroy the tribal
wisdom and subsequently the tribal connection to ancestors, which eventually
leads to the inhalation of their tribe.
Dr. Borysenko goes on to say that tribal female elders were often
consulted regarding major decisions. They
were viewed as wise, and were sought after for their ability to see how
impending decisions might effect the next seven generations. Can you image how
our view of the aging process would change if older women were honored and seen
as powerful? This information exemplifies the polarized attitudes that exist with regard to the influence, desirability, honor, and value afforded middle-aged and older women. When a culture does not value the aging woman, the process of aging can be difficult, depressing, and physically draining. This is evident among the 3500 women that are entering menopause every day in the United States. New businesses are sprouting up every day to capitalize on the fears of the midlife women. Vitamins, minerals, clothes, that hide bulges, hair color, weight loss, make-up, herbal formulas, spas, retreats, the list goes on and on. Many of these products may and do provide results, but many companies are marketing to women to capitalize on their fear of aging. It is true that many women are experiencing physical, emotional and spiritual signs and symptoms of menopause. Their experience of these symptoms, as well as, the presence of the symptoms is produced, however, from the subtle yet profound chemical interaction of biological, psychological, and spiritual aspects of themselves. Most
marketers are using the outside in approach to deal with this stage of life,
rather than in the inside out approach. It
is a woman’s sense of connection to herself, others, and something bigger than
herself (these three equal spirituality), what is thought about, and the
corresponding emotions that intertwine to create the unique response of each
woman to the midlife experience. Recent
research is confirming this. Dr.
Candace Pert, Ph.D., discusses such research in her recent book Molecules
of Emotion. She builds a
strong case for human emotions acting as powerful keys that can lock or unlock
human being’s perceptions, feelings, and behavior. Mindful of this
information, one can begin to understand the often hidden but powerful influence
emotions can exert throughout our lives, but especially during the midlife. Our
response to biological changes, genetic responses, fluctuating and lowered
hormone levels, ongoing daily stresses, compounded with a negative cultural view
of midlife, creates a crossroads for opportunity or a midlife crisis. In order
to use midlife as a positive time of physical, emotional and spiritual
transition, there are five tasks midlife woman may want to consider: 1. Seek out, discern, and incorporate information about physical, emotional, and spiritual symptoms that may occur during the 10-12 years of midlife. Consider your learning style when obtaining this information. Some women prefer learning by reading books or attending a small group lecture. Others prefer viewing videos, and still others prefer listening to audiotapes. Audiotapes are a great way of taking advantage of time spent while driving a car and learning at the same time. Use all methods that appeal to you. Be discerning. As yourself, does this information make sense to me? Do I trust the provider of the information? Are the sources reputable? Is the provider of the information selling products related to the information? Is the information congruent with my belief system? 2. Incorporate valuing, nurturing, and loving yourself as you do others into your daily life. These words are meaningless unless you attach an experience to them. Experience is the combination of emotion or feeling with knowledge. It is the experience of power and self-love that is the byproduct of self-affirmation and self-nurturing. Women, who make self-nurturing choices in their daily life, often initially feel the choices are selfish ones. It is the repeated act of choosing self-affirming actions that weave a tapestry of self-love, valuing and nurturing throughout our life. This produces the experience. 3. Examine your fears. What frightens you? What are you most afraid of? Midlife is a time to turn around and look your fears straight in the eye. If you want to know where your spiritual work is, look to your fears. Fear often disguises our true self. When one faces their fears, they begin the journey of authenticity leading to the true self. This is a major task of the midlife transition. You may want to consider professional assistance and support. A counselor, pastor, holistic nurse, spiritual advisor trusted friends, all can be considered as support people for you. Also being with other women who are experiencing midlife can be a powerful source of support and knowledge. It is powerful to look into the eyes of another women, and see reflected in her eyes care, concern, support, acceptance, and affirmation. It is healing. 4. Determine if you are living your life in the manner in which you would like? Is there something that you have always wanted to do or be? Who or what is stopping you? Look to your dreams that you may have forgotten. Hidden in these dreams is renewed energy for growth, change, and creativity and exuberance for life. Human beings are innately goal oriented. Use this ability to translate your dreams into reality. There is always a way to make your dream become real. Understanding this is your power. 5.
Practice honesty and integrity with yourself.
Endeavor to live your life from the inside out, not the outside in.
Listen to your heart. Practice
courage, the kind of courage where in your quiet moments when you are alone, you
choose to honor and respect yourself. Quiet
the internal critic. It is often
that learned voice of our cultural. When this internal critic is subdued, your
own voice can be heard and used. It
says yes to life, and you birth your true self. It is from this authenticity
that you give to yourself and others.
Janny is a member of the American Holistic Nurses' Association. She resides in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where she manages Women's Care, a holistic women's center for St. Lukes Hospital, on a part-time basis. She also has a private energy based healing practice, and provides spirutal/intutiive counseling for women. For more information of this nature, visit Janny's website at: http://www.TwelveRaysOfLight.com
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